In America we eat man semen.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
