So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
