I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
