I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
