apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
