Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
