Don't make out with my wife yet
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
