So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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