im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
