Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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