when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
