He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
