I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
