You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
