every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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