I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
