This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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