Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
