you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
