just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
