Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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