I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
