I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
