My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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