We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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