Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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