Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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