Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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