i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
