Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
