it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
