i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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