I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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