The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
