go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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