Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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