the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
