Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
