Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize