I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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