Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
