My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize