She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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