If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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