My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
