don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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