so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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