i may or may not be watching the land before time
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
