Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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