96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i out mim tonsoeep
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
