i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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