Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
