I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize