I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize