Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
