1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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