i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
