Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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