My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
