you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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