Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
